


Words slice like knives

by Kaylele



Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Arguing, Fighting, Hurt, I'm Sorry, Mentioned Suicide Attempt, Patt is overprotective dad, Sadness, Stealing, Suicide Notes, Trust Issues, Verbal Abuse, everythings better in part 2 I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 05:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12474916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaylele/pseuds/Kaylele
Summary: Roman and Anxiety have hated each other for a long time but Roman doesn't realize how much his words really hurt. Pls read warning tags. This is sad.





	1. Chapter 1

Anxiety pulled his hood up further as he trudged along. It was late. Too late. He knew he probably shouldn't have been out of the mind palace at this time but honestly his night had been awful and besides there wasn't too much harm in it. 

Contrary to popular belief there were tons of places in Thomas's mind besides the mind palace. The mind palace was just a place personality traits stayed. One example was the memory compound. Memories flowed in constantly but very few were actually kept. Since it didn't really operate at night, dreams ran wiled through it but slowly disappeared during the day. He knew occasionally Morality would come through here to pick up old bits of memories, wither they were important or not. How do you think he got so much stuff in his room?

Next was the command center. A place Logan would occasionally go to study. In there they controlled everything Thomas did, from eating to breathing to even sitting. Lastly was the place Virgil had just come from. The graveyard. It's actual name was the Amygdala but Virgil just liked to call it the graveyard. He didn't quite know what the place was for or what exactly it did but he like it there. It felt almost like a part of him. But now he was almost back to the Palace.

The sun seemed to already be up as he trudged up the tall steps and carefully snuck back into the palace. The second he opened the door Princy was there waiting for him, probably waiting to yell at him.

"What were you doing out of the palace so late? It's nearly six thirty. We're you gone all night? Seriously Virgil it's not good to be out of the palace that late or for that long. What were you thinking!? You know what happens when Traits leave for too long!" 

Princy's words went straight into one of Anxiety's ears and right out the other. He didn't care about how "bad" it was for him to leave for so long. He liked leaving sometimes and besides it didn't feel bad. It made him feel better and it was a place to escape when things got too crazy. Anxiety shrugged and walked past the ranting Prince.

Prince huffed. "Fine. Just fine. I guess you just don't care about yourself! You don't think about what would happen to Thomas if something happened to you out there. You just hate yourself THAT MUCH that you blindly ignore any danger that comes your way. You'd just raTHER HAVE DARKNESS CONSUME YOU!!!" 

Virgil stopped dead in his tracks and turned around chuckling almost manically. "That's why you don't want me out there??? Because 'oh no the big scary darkness is going to consume me'" Virgil mocked.

"Well guess what sweetheart. I. AM. THE DARKNESS!!! You all may be bothered by a little dim light and scary figures but I actually enjoy it. It makes me feel better. So if you could take two seconds to stay out of my business then if appreciate it!"

 

Princy opened his mouth to speak but Anxiety had already pushed past him and ran up to his room, slamming the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Anxiety stepped inside his room closing the door behind him. He hated arguing with Princy. At least when he argued with Logan or Patton they would try to see his side of the story but Princy was different. He just wanted to argue and fight. Anxiety sighed and locked his door before going to take a shower. Once he was done he pulled on a normal tee shirt with a hood, some ripped jeans and the gloves Patton had gotten him. They were fingerless and went up to his elbow and since it was too hot for his jacket he considered it a good alternative to protect his arms. After that he put his normal makeup on and went back downstairs for some coffee.

Luckily Princy was gone. Patton and Logan stood in the kitchen setting out food for breakfast. He squealed once he saw Virgil. 

"Awwww you're wearing the gloves I got you! They look so good." Anxiety nodded and popped a piece of toast in his mouth before moving twords the coffee pot. It had been a while since Patton had given Virgil the gloves and while he did wear them pretty often, it was usually under his jacket so that nobody could see. Anxiety poured himself a cup of coffee and sat on the counter enjoying his toast. 

"It was too hot for a sweater so I decided just the gloves and a normal shirt would be fine." Anxiety said in between bites. 

"Well they look fantastic." Patton cheered.

"That's odd." Logan stated. "If a cloth jacket was restricting you and providing excessive heat, then those heavy gloves would be even worse. Especially since they take up the majority of your arm length." Virgil and Patton both immediately shook their heads. 

"Nah I think it's fine Lo." They said in unison. Logan just gave them a confused look before leaving the kitchen. Patton sat up on the counter with Virgil. 

"Ya know kiddo.. it might be better if you told them." Virgil sighed. He had thought about telling Logan for weeks but he never seemed brave enough. Maybe today could be that day. 

"Fine... I guess you can tell Logan if you really think it'll help..." 

"I ment both of them." Patton corrected. "Princy and Logan." Anxiety nearly choked on his toast. 

"What!?!" he coughed. "I can't tell Princy! He already ridicules me enough as it is. Do you have any idea what would happen if I told Roman!?" 

"Told Roman what?" Roman asked as he walked into the kitchen. "Aw does the troublesome nightmare have something to tell me. You know he was out all night last night doing heaven-only-knows what!" Anxiety growled.

"Shut it Princy. No one asked you." 

"Oh and like anyone really asked you either? Get it over with our wretched darkness. What were you going to tell me?"   
"Nothing" Anxiety mumbled trying to push past him to leave. Roman grabbed Anxietys arm and pulled him back. 

"Oh come now Anxiety! You can't simply sulk in your room all day, like you always do!" 

"Roman you've tormented Anxiety way too much! Let go of him now." Patton was usually a gentle person but his dad voice never failed to terrify people. Roman let go of Anxiety who practically ran back to his room. He huffed and rolled his eyes before continuing on with making himself breakfast. Patton was still mad though. Anger flashed in his eyes an rumbled through his voice as he spoke. 

"Roman after breakfast I want you to go to your room as well. You irritating and upsetting Anxiety all the time has serious consequences and I think it's about time you paid for them." Roman stopped dead in his tracks. Patton had never sent another trait to their room before. Sure he occasionally yelled at them or separated them but never had he sent them to their room. 

Roman felt dazed for a second but slowly nodded. After breakfast he went to his room and sat on his bed wondering why Patton was so mad to begin with. It wasn't like his fights with Anxiety were new. They had always happened. Lately though it seemed like Patton had been more protective over Anxiety. He constantly helped him out of fights with Roman, watched him more carefully during certain times and even went to check on him more often. Was Patton.. in love with Anxiety? No. That was impossible. Patton loved Logan and everyone (except Logan) knew it. It was still rather odd though.


	3. Chapter 3

Patton knocked softly on Anxiety's door.   
Within a few moments the door opened and Patton walked inside. 

"I was just comin to check if you were ok kiddo." Patton said sitting on Anxiety's bed next to him. Anxiety sighed and nodded.

"Roman just pisses me off.. a lot." 

"I can tell." Patton sighed. He really wanted Anxiety and Roman to get along and not hate each other so much. Even if they just tolerated each others existence for a day it would be better than now. Anxiety had tried that once though. Roman threw insult after insult towards Virgil who tried to simply ignore him. It didn't work though. Eventually Virgil snapped. 

"Look." Anxiety sighed pulling Patton from his thought. "You can still tell Logan if you want but please don't tell Princy.. it'll just make things worse." 

Patton gave him a small smile. "I promise I won't tell him." Anxiety thanked him and soon Patton was off to go tell Logan about Anxiety's secret. 

"Lo?" Patton called knocking on Logan's door. He heard a muffled 'come in' before slowly opening the door to step inside. Logan was sitting at his desk occupied by notes, papers and books.

"Logan.. um.. Anxiety wanted me to tell you something." Logon jotted down a few more things before turning to Patton.

"What exactly did Anxiety wish to tell me?" Logan asked. Patton sat down on Logan's bed and stared at the floor.

"Well.. it's more of something I suggested. I just thought it would help if you knew and Anxiety seemed ok with me telling you so..." Patton's voice trailed off. 

"Go on." Logan urged listening intently. Patton took a deep breath. 

"Well.. You know how Anxiety always wears long sweaters and even today when he didn't wear a sweater he was still wearing long gloves?"

"Ah yes. I've been meaning to ask you why that is. After all it seems completely illogical to-" Logan stopped once he saw Patton face. His face was flushed as tears brimmed in his eyes. 

"Patton are you alright?" Logan asked softly, moving to sit next to him on the bed. Patton nodded but looked as though he were about to cry any minute. 

"It's just..." Patton's voice sounded shakey. "A-anxiety wears stuff like that because.. um.. h-he tried to kill himself.." Logan sat there compleately frozen. Did he hear Patton correctly? In his mind he tried to analyze the situation to see if what Patton said had actually made since. 

First despite being fractions of Thomas's mind traits can and occasionally do become injured. Second if Anxiety had tried to injure himself to that magnitude and survived he would have scars which in turn would make him feel more self conscious. Third, if he did in any way feel self conscious the logical thing to do would be to simply cover it up so as to not attract unwanted attention. Logan sat in disbelief. Everything added up... but why? Why had Anxiety done it? Anxiety never seemed too abnormally sad or depressed. He knew it probably has something to do with emotions, something he could never wow understand. 

"Lo?... Logan!" Logan snapped out of his daze and turned to Patton.

"My apologies Patton." 

"Look Logan. You can't tell Princy about this at all. Promise?"

"Why is that?" Logan asked, clearly confused. 

"They always fight with each other and Anxiety thinks if we tell him it'll just make things worse. Besides.." Patton's voice became softer, laced with slight anger. "Princy was kindve the reason Anxiety did it in the first place.." More pieces of the puzzle started coming into place. He assumed that, that amount of Verbal Abuse would cause anyone to be filled with sadness and despair but was it really enough to prompt such an attempt? 

Logan sighed heavily, promising Patton he wouldn't tell. Thousands of emotions and feelings rushed through him and even though he couldn't define them he knew they all felt bad.

"Thanks Lo." Patton gave him a small fake smile before standing up to leave. Suddenly Logan's heart began racing. The thought of Patton leaving now seemed like the worst possible idea in the world (despite it being completely logical. Their conversation was done and he probably had things to attend to). He was never good at identify emotions but at the moment he felt.. scared?... Anxious? Like something horrible was about to happen even though there was nothing remotely threatening around them. Patton placed his hand on the doorknob as Logan spoke up. 

"Patton." Patton turned around causing Logan to blush slightly. Logan cleared his throat. "After particularly.. sad events." (he thought that was the right emotion) "People tend to seek comfort by being around others. Just know that you are always welcome to come to me if you are feeling troubled.. even now.." Patton smiled widely and hoped back over to Logan. 

"Thanks Lo." Logan nodded and went to finish his work, now with Patton sitting next to him fiddling with some of his puzzles.


	4. Chapter 4

Roman was angry. Patton had insisted he stay in his room all day yesterday and wouldn't even allow him to participate in their normal movie marathon. He wanted to get revenge but enacting revenge on Patton was pointless. He wanted revenge on someone else. Someone like Anxiety. 

Anxiety usually never left his room though and when he did he usually locked the door behind him so nobody could get in, which ment Princy would have to make a plan. Planning wasn't his strong suit though, creativity was. Maybe he could still use it to his advantage though. Yes! He had the perfect idea. 

Step 1: Steal Logan and Patton's money.  
Step 2: Conjure up an ice cream truck.   
Step 3: Tell Patton.

Patton squealed at the thought of an ice cream truck finally passing by the mind palace. Quickly he ran to his room but quickly discovered he had no money. Pouting he sweetly asked Logan but Logan couldn't seem to find his money either. Finally Patton went to Virgil who agreed to loan him some ice cream money. Patton smiled with Glee as he dragged the darker trait out before he could even close his door. Roman smirked and slipped in without notice but he had to act fast. Patton and Virgil would be back soon. 

Quickly he searched the room for anything of value to Virgil. Headphones? No he could always conjure more. Phone? He wanted to make Virgil mad not homicidal. Finally his eyes fell on the perfect thing. Virgil's journal. He snatched it up quickly and ran out of Virgil's room and into his room. He could hear Patton and Virgil walk by just a few moments later. 

Sighing with relief he tossed the book onto his bed. A few small folded papers fell out but he ignored them went into his bathroom to take a shower. After his shower he settled in his bed and picked up the book. Two more small folded notes fell out. Roman picked up all four and was about to put them back in the book when he noticed something strange. 

Each note was address to one of them. One was for Patton, another for Logan, then Thomas and even Prince. Why would Virgil write them all letters? More importantly why would he will them all letters but not give them to the sides? He held them all in his hands debating which to read first. Something told him not to start with his own. His eyes drew to Patton's. He picked it up, setting the others aside. 

Taking a deep breath he slowly peeled back the tape that held the note together, unfolded it and began reading.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Patton,   
I'm sorry. I know you've always worked hard and tried your best to be there for everyone. To make them feel included and cared for but after a while the words and actions of one person just weren't enough anymore. I know you always told me I was important but I never seemed important to the others. I rarely seemed important to myself. Besides, Thomas is much better off without me. You all are. Just know that none of this is your fault. I appreciate everything you've ever done for me and I'll miss you, dad.   
~Virgil

Princy stared at the words in confusion. Was Virgil going to run away? Or completely quit? What was going on? He needed more information. Quickly he picked up Logan's letter and began reading. 

Dear Logan,   
I know what you're probably saying. It's completely illogical for someone to end their own life. Just know I had a reason. A logical one. Thank you though for all you did for me. You helped me a lot during my Anxiety attacks and you provided the sense of logic that I needed at times. I wish you well.   
~Virgil

Princy's hands trembled as Virgil's words started making sense. He wasn't going to run away or quit. He was going to kill himself. He stared at the other two notes in shock. These were suicide notes. These were the last words that would ever be spoken to any of them. He hesitated for a moment before grabbing Thomas's to read. 

Dear Thomas,   
I'm sorry... You're better off without me anyways. I just can't take it anymore. Princy was always right. I'm horrible. All I do is cause problems and make you and the others upset. Hopefully once I'm gone you'll feel better.   
~Virgil

Roman's eyes brimmed with tears as he automatically reached for his and opened it. Something fell out once he unfolded it but he ignored it. His note was by far the longest. 

Dear Roman,   
Congratulations. This is exactly what you wanted wasnt it? Aren't you happy? I promise I won't be there anymore to fight with you or to hold you back. I'm sure you don't really care why I did it but I think you'll be happy to know you played a big role in it. Every time you insulted me, every time you belittled me, every time you told me I was nothing, I believed it. Every time you hurt me I hurt myself. The extent of my scars can't be counted on my fingers, nor my toes. Years of hatred have lead to this Princy. Listen I know it's crazy to ask you to do anything for me but I think you'll enjoy this task. Take a blade and slice my heart open one more time. Know that the blood is on your hands and not the hands of others. Go on. Do it Princy! Just rip my heart out one more time. I want you to know how it feels to kill something that's already dead inside. It shouldn't be hard. You've been doing it for years. 

Roman put the note down. Hot tears streamed from his face. He knew Anxiety hated him but not this much. Not enough to end his own life over it. He hung his head in shame. He wasn't a prince. No Prince could hurt someone this badly and not care enough to even realize. As he wiped the tears from his eyes as an attempt to clear his blurred vision, he saw something sitting on the bed in front of him. The object that fell out of the note. 

It was a slightly rusted razor blade with blood stains on it. Immediately he jumped back, as if it was a snake or some type of bad omen. Sudden fear and realization shot through him. Anxiety was going to kill himself. He needed to fix this. To apologise. To try to make things right and convince him to not do anything. Roman jumped out of bed and ran straight to Anxiety's room.


	6. Chapter 6

He didn't bother knocking but instead bursted into Virgil's room. His room was a mess. Books were out of order on his shelf, his bed was unkempt, objects were thrown about and his drawers were in shambles. 

"What do you want Princy!?" Anxiety hissed. He was sitting on the ground ripping things out of his bottom drawer. Roman stared for a few seconds before clearing his throat.

"Um.. I just came to talk to you about something important." Anxiety rolled his eyes. 

"Can it wait? I'm kindve busy if you couldn't notice." Roman sighed and sat down on the ground next to Anxiety. 

"I'm sorry.. I really am." Anxiety stopped what he was doing and stared at Roman. 

"For?" 

"For hurting you. I just.. I didn't know how badly my words affected you. I thought you didn't care about anything I said.. I-I.." Roman choked back a sob as tears fell down his face. "I'm s..s-sorry." Anxiety stared in disbelief. Did Roman just apologize? And is he really crying? 

"Look Roman." Anxiety began as he turned his attention back to the drawers. "It's fine. It doesn't matter ok?" His voice was still slightly harsh and impatient. 

"Yes it does!" Roman shouted. "If it weren't for me you'd be happy! I'm a horrible Prince. I'm supposed to be there to help people but all I've done is hurt you. So much so that you want to kill yourself!" Anxiety froze. His entire body tensed up and he could hear his heart beating faster. How did Prince even know? 

"H..H-How...?" Anxietys voice was barely a whisper but Roman managed to hear him anyways. 

"I was angry..." Roman began. "I just wanted to make you upset so I.. um.." fear coursed through him. Anxiety was going to kill him if he found out. He had to tell him though. It was only right. Inhaling sharply he spoke. "IStoleYourJournalWhenYouWentToGoBuyIceCreamForPatt." 

"YOU DID WHAT!?!?" Anxiety screamed, pushing Roman hard. He tumbled back and hit the wall with a loud thud. "Why would you even do that?? Do you really hate me that much that you would go and steal something like that!?" Anxiety groaned covered his face with his hands. "Oh God how much did you even read???" Roman sat up and rubbed his head. 

"Look. I know you're mad and you have every right to be but I didn't read anything in the journal. I swear. All I did was read the notes. Please don't kill me" Roman pleaded. 

Anxiety took deep breaths as he tried to control his breathing, as well as the urge to murder Roman. His head felt fuzzy as thousands of thoughts raced through it. 

"What notes?" he finally asked. 

"Your.. suicide notes." Roman replied. Anxiety laid back on the ground, staring up at the ceiling. 

"Great" he mumbled sarcastically. "Now you know how much of a failure I really am." Roman scooted closer to him

."I really am sorry.. I was such an idiot. I never thought about how much my words affected you.. I don't expect you to forgive me in any way but.. please don't kill yourself.. if not for me then for the others. Anxiety laughed a little. 

"It's a bit too late to ask that. I already tried.. and I failed.... those notes are old.." Roman felt a lump form in his throat as Anxiety continued. 

"I almost succeed. I think. I passed out from blood loss but then I woke up in the hospital. Patton found me I guess. It didn't take them very long to fix my arms. No one really noticed I was gone. Patton wouldn't leave me alone for like a week. He insisted that I stay around him as much as possible. I guess it was nice though. He still checks on me a lot and he got me these cool gloves to cover my scars..." Roman was now laying back next to Anxiety listening to his voice. 

"I'm sorry." He said again once Anxiety finish. Anxiety sighed but didn't say anything. "Anx?" Roman asked softly. Anxiety hummed in response. "Can we not hate each other anymore? I mean I don't expect you to be my friend especially after what I've done but.. can we at least tolerate each other?" 

Anxiety closed his eyes and nodded. "Yeah." They laid there in silence for another few minutes. 

"Why's your room such a mess?" Roman finally asked. "Anxiety sat up and glared at Princy. 

"I was looking for the notebook you stole." Roman blushed from embarrassment and got up. He went back to his room to retrieve the book along with the notes and the blade and gave it back to Anxiety. Anxiety put the book back on his shelf along with all the others.

"Princy?" 

"Yeah?" Roman responded.

"If you ever take my book again I'll murder you." 

"Fair enough." Princy noted "Sorry again.. for everything." Anxiety rolled his eyes. 

"Stop apologizing and just help me fix my room." Roman nodded. Within about 20 minutes they were done with Anxiety's room. Anxiety yawned once they were finished. 

"I should probably head to bed now. Goodnight Princy." Princy nodded and began to leave but stopped halfway through. 

"To tolerating each other?" he asked. Anxiety nodded, giving him a small smile.

"To tolerating each other." Roman smiled back and left, healing back to his room.


End file.
